Is it swearing if I say "Let the Hell Begin" ?

The next couple days went really well thanks to a great mom who took such wonderful care of me.  I really did stay put for two and a half days and my mom fed me amazing food.  Sunday came and I was up and walking.  Bailey came to get me and we were later on our way back home to Vernal.  I was to be back to work the next day.  The ride went well and we made it home from the 5 hour drive safely.  I was excited to get back to life.  I had been away from work for two weeks now and really looked forward to getting back to the girls there and to be active.

The next morning it was a little rough getting ready.  It seemed to take quite a bit of extra effort, but once I stepped out the door the cool breeze felt amazing.  Everything was hard though and it was going to be quite an adjustment.  My belly was tight and tender so anything from straightening my hair to getting in and out of my car was quite the chore.  I felt like such a whale.  I got to work and the girls were absolutely amazing.  I am so grateful for how well they took care of me, which in the end, they took care of me so much better than I was taking care of myself.  They had me back in the drive-up part of the bank where I was out of the busy part and up in a chair so that I wouldn't have to go back and forth and be active.  The first day was rather overwhelming and I was not expecting that at all.  It was a Monday, which is busy at any bank, and I hadn't been for two weeks.  It's amazing how much the brain can "forget" or just how rusty in can get in such little time.  I was going crazy trying to work fast and keep up with all the cars and with each thing I did there was always that voice in my head saying, "Oh! Be careful!  Oh wait don't lift that! Oh!  Don't do that!  That hurts!  Take it slow!"  Ugh, I had such a hard time focusing and it was so hard to do the stuff I needed to do in a chair WITHOUT using my abdominal muscles.  So by the end of the day I was completely exhausted and wore out, and ready for some much needed sleep.  The next day was much better and it really felt so good to be back and feel useful.  The girls were always right there by my side to help me and telling me to get back in the chair.  Seriously...I was surrounded with 5 extra moms.  I wanted to be helpful!  But each time I tried I would get the pointing of the finger and felt like I was a puppy. I learned how to stop being so prideful and independent and LET people help me.  By the end of Tuesday I was really starting to get sore and didn't have much for an appetite.  Because of what had happened previously (and I knew my body was still working on riding itself of all the fluid), I was still drinking fluids with electrolytes only.   Wednesday I got out of bed and was definitely hurting.  I again couldn't stand up straight without having pain and I was walking slow, making each step as soft as I possibly could. Bailey leaves for work each day at 4 a.m so I sent him a text letting him know that today was going to be a hard day. It was then that I noticed I had left my full bottle of extra strength Tylenol at my parents. Great.  I of course was not feeling like getting ready so I threw my hair up and put some make up on and was out.  Throughout the day (which was a busy one) I had one or two short attacks of very sharp intense pains up the side of my abdomen and around my diaghram and uterus.  It's as if you were to draw a large square on my abdomen starting at my ribs and ending at my uterus. To me this was good news.  I was having OHSS symptoms again, which Doc told us would happen if we were to get pregnant.  But the pain became unbearable.  I didn't have an appetite at all and nothing sounded good.  I was to be done with work at 530 but it was slightly busy and leaving only two girls there didn't really feel right.  So I stayed.  I tried eating a banana but that wasn't working at all, but i was able to eat a few saltines at least.  By 540 I was hunched on the floor with pain.  I called Bailey and he said that he would be able to pick me up, he was just getting done with work. I planned that he could drive and we could get some fast food and then get some more meds. By 6 the pain had subsided and I was able to drive home.  At this time I was starving.  I seriously was hit with intense hunger, like I felt like an animal!  I waited in my car for Bai to get home and he of course wanted to shower.  The pain makes it so that I really don't want to move, so I sat and waited, and of course nothing at home sounded good. Once out the door I told him that I wanted a big juicy burger and I needed it fast.  We stopped at Wendy's and I ordered what looked good and let me tell you, I didn't think I had ever tasted a burger so yummy as that one.  And I couldn't refrain from expressing that after and during each bite.  My poor husband thinks I am such a hot mess.  More like a beast.  But seriously, it tasted SO DARN GOOD! So, while eating and practically foaming at the mouth, he went to Walmart to grab some things including some meds.  Earlier I had called the fertility center and made sure it was OK to take the Tylenol.  Usually it is very difficult to get a hold of my nurse so I just leave a message.  When Tonia our nurse called back she was concerned about the pains I was having.  So to be sure all was OK I called the after hours fertility number and the lady told me to go ahead and take some medicine and...that is all I can remember.  While waiting for Bailey to get back in the car I was overcome by the worst stabbing pains I had ever felt. They were terrible. I squirmed in my car seat trying not to cry and trying to find any possible relief.  Shaking and sweating, full of nausea and scared of what the heck is happening to me, I manage to text Bailey to hurry.  He gets back and I tell him to call the nurse back.  I couldn't handle this any longer.  It was completely unbearable. While he is calling, I was hunched over the dashboard, covering it with tears, trying to breath and overcome this horrible pain. I told him to tell her either I needed to go to the hospital or something had to be done.  She called in some stronger medicine and said that I needed to come in first thing in the morning.  Bailey brought me home and I was able to get in bed and apply the heating pad.  I of course took the Tylenol once Bai had gotten back in the car.  If it weren't for a cute little baby growing inside me I may have taken the whole dang bottle.  Ha, jk...kinda. This lasted about five minutes.  I didn't think it was gonna end. After a little bit I was yet again conqueror and was able to relax.  Bailey left to get the medicine that was called in and I just laid in bed, wondering what the heck was going to happen.  I was so tired that Bai just let me sleep in and we left at around 830.  I called the fertility center and they told me to get there asap.  We stopped at my work to let them know that I wasn't going to be in that day.  I SO hated doing that to them. Bailey was great about making me comfortable.  He packed some pillows and stuffed the body pillow between me and the door and then another pillow underneath me and between me and the middle console.  I practically couldn't move which was the plan.  Each bump hurt like...well it hurt.  We had a long drive and I relaxed and we talked.  Some roads really sucked with insane bumps and I really wanted to kill people, but we made it through :)  We had about a half hour to go and decided to stop for food before we got there.  We got taco bell and once again, I swore it had never tasted so good.  By now my husband was wondering what kind of a beast I was going to be if I were to get pregnant or what kind of beast I was growing.  But I couldn't stop telling him how good it was.

So we made it to the center and as soon as I stepped in the door they opened the door to the rooms and took me back.  I did the usual of undressing from waist down and waited.  The nurse practioner came in, she was the sweetest thing in the world, and had me lay back to have a look at things.  I was so use to vaginal ultrasounds that they were nothing to me by now.  She showed us on the screen some black space covering my insides, that was all fluid.  My OHSS was getting worse, which of course was bitter-sweet.  OHSS=pregnant. And I had three people at the clinic tell me that at least this was a good sign :) But we were still to wait till Monday for a more accurate reading of a pregnancy test.  For a quick reminder of what OHSS is: When the body realizes that something is growing on the uterus and detects that it is a baby, a hormone called hCG is produced.  HCG tells the ovaries to not shed this lining but to start producing hormones such as progestrone and estrogen to take care of it.  In turn because the ovaries are using so much fluid, the body starts pulling fluid from the blood vessels to replace what is being lost.  So my belly begins to fill with lots of fluid all around my intestines. She told us that I would need to be "tapped" today, meaning drained.  We had many questions and were able to talk to her and have them all answered.  She told us everything and it felt so much better to know what was going on. She said that this would not harm the baby in anyway.   She said that it sounded worse than it really was, but that they would go in vaginally with the probe and on the end would be a needle.  They would pierce the uterine wall and from there suck the fluid out.  I would get an iv and have some local anesthesia and pain meds as well as nausea meds, all enough to make me not out of it but pretty much forget everything.  We got to also see my ovaries, which usually are the size of almonds but now the growing peaches.  Everything was just trying to fit in my body.  The MA came in to get my vital signs.  Normally I have a blood pressure of 110/72 or less and a heart rate in the mid 60-70's.  With everything going on in my body my blood pressure was 125/72 (I've never seen it that high) and a heart rate at 118.  Normal heart rate is 60-90.  So my body was taking the toll. So until the procedure room was open we were going to get my iv and fluids started.  I've really done well with blood draws and iv's since all the shots I had to give myself the month before the egg retrieval, but this was different.  My body was retaining water, my belly always felt full, I always felt thirsty and could never feel satisfied, but even still I was too full to fit anything else in there.  So of course that brings small veins.  The draining would give relief for about a day before it would swell up and need to be done again.  So the plan was to leave an iv in so we wouldn't have to attempt doing another one.  So instead of one on the inside of my elbow, the best vein she could find was on the outside of my wrist.  She warned me that this would be a bad painful stick but its the best one I had.  Yes, it was painful.  And once in there, she needed to fish around for the vein.  I'm trying to breath deep and slow, but breathing deep hurts and already I was so so hot (for a person who is always cold, I had been uncomfortably hot since the egg retrieval.) She finally pulled out, I'm thinking we got it, but nope, we didn't.  We'd have to stick again, and this time just on the inside of my elbow.  Mainly because this is where my best veins are and so we hoped we'd find one there. So with this stick she still was in their for a good minute or two and by then by body had had enough.  I got super clammy and nauseated, feeling totally....icky and terrible.  Bailey, all the while, trying to distract me, until he got sick too.  What a dramatic mess lol.  So it was finally in, and it hurt. I didn't think that I could handle this for the whole weekend. It hurt until I woke up after the draining, to the point where I said, just remove it.  My doc that would be doing the draining came in and with her reaction said "What a pale green face."  I was def not ready to get up yet.  After a few moments I shakily sat up and walked slowly with lots of help to the procedure room.  I laid back and the nurse gave me the anesthesia and oxygen.  I have come to love love love oxygen.  With OHSS one symptom is being short of breath and it is painful to get a deep breath, so often I just feel out of breath.  The oxygen feels so nice, like I can breath and get sufficient air supply.  Ah, what a fresh breath of air :) In came the Dr and they got right to it.  I don't remember much, but  I do remember that the poking of the uterine wall was rather painful.  I couldn't help but push on the outside of my uterus to try to relieve the pain, but that was all.  I remember coming to for a minute and everyone just sitting around in the dark talking while the fluid drained.  I don't recall how much they got, but they got most of it and it was a lot.  I was so sleepy that I slept for what felt forever, about 20-30 min.  This procedure did take a long time.  We were in the office total for about 3 hours.  I got up and did feel better.  Of course there was still great pressure from my peachy ovaries, but I could walk up straight and breathe.  They gave me a paper to record all of my output (I got the cute little hat to put in the toilet) and input and also my weight.  And I was still on my diet, smart water and powerade/gatorade, anything with electrolytes.  The high sodium is hopefully to suck the fluid in the veins where it belongs and electrolytes to well keep me nourished obviously.  I can't get dehydrated.  But also I would drink and drink and still would feel so thirsty.  But yet I could not fit anything else in my stomach.  It was so hard because I'd be hungry and want to eat, but just a couple of bites and my stomach would hurt from all the pressure.

Well thank goodness Bailey had the next two days, Friday and Saturday, off and he would be able to help me.  Saturday they would be calling me to see how I was feeling and we'd go from there.  By Thursday night I was already hurting with pain, AGAIN. I laid on our living room couch all day long Friday.  I was finally able to take a nap once I could find a comfortable position.  Anytime I could find a position that didn't hurt too bad I was out, sleeping away, and that was the best.  I just laid around for the next two days.  Saturday morning I got up and had yet another episode.  I got super nauseated, wishing my body would just throw up already.  I crawled to the floor, dripping with sweat, and Bailey ran in.  I was grasping to the side of the tub, completely embarrassed  because I was in so much pain that no only could I pull my britches up but  I couldn't even reach behind me to clean myself up after going to the bathroom.  I asked Bailey to get a ponytail so that I could get my sick matted hair off my body.  The sweetheart he is he put my hair up in a ponytail.  I was hunched over and he grabbed my tangled hair (I was trying not to whine from the pulling) and he totally gave me a hot pony on the top of my head.  I was very impressed.  But of course when I checked me out in the mirror I don't think that hairdo helped the messy part I already looked. Oh I was scary. After it passed Bailey even asked if he could help clean me up.  My heart just melted yet ached at the same time.  I am so blessed with such a wonderful husband, yet I hate that I have to be such a burden and worry to him.  I wanted to take care of myself.

Bailey assisted me back to the couch and I tried to lift my legs up but was so weak and shot with abdominal pain that I couldn't.  Bailey grabbed my legs and put them up on the pillows.  I tried hard but couldn't hold it back, I just  started to sob.  I felt so hopeless.  I mean, I was so grateful, but I felt so worthless.  This was terrible.  Not only did he ask if he could help clean me up, but he also had to help me walk, get in bed and get me food.  Saturday was a very hard day for me and I really was growing so negative.  I had been on bed-rest for almost 3 weeks now and I was not able to take care of myself.  When was I ever going to get better?  I saw no light at the end of the tunnel.  I was unable to work, leaving them completely shorthanded and I felt absolutely terrible.  And here I am being a complete burden on my husband.  I hated this.  I was so done. When the clinic called I was so frustrated. I felt like my case was not bad enough or that it was dangerous to do it again, because for some reason she came off "do you really feel like you have to do it?"  After the call I was absolutely livid.  I was hurting so bad, my stomach could NOT get any tighter.  It was an absolute pain to eat or drink, which I craved, but yet it was just better to not do either.  Are you kidding me lady!? Later I found out that there is always a worry about infection with the draining procedure.  Of course there is, with anything there is that small percent of getting infection.  Well here I was, the 1-2% of transfers who got OHSS.  And it doesn't hurt the baby at all.  That was it.  Bailey looked me in the face, while I'm unable to breath and sobbing, and said, "You are the one who knows if we need to go in.  Do not wait until the last minute." So I called and made the appt. We were going in Sunday to be yet again drained.  Oh how ready I was.  I prayed that this time the relief of it would last longer.